Asking ‘Are you OK?’ seems like an easy question, but in workplaces it may be one of the hardest questions we can ask each other. Today, on R U OK? Day, we are reminded that this simple question can open the door to connection, support, and hope.
That hesitation is natural. Many of us hold back because we fear saying the wrong thing, making things worse, or stepping into territory we do not feel prepared for. And yet, checking in matters.
To make R U OK? meaningful, we need to focus on two conversations:
- The one we have with ourselves
- The one we start with others.
Supporting Ourselves — Am I OK?
R U OK? Day is also an invitation to look inward. Too often, managers, carers, and colleagues forget to check in with themselves. In fact, this may be the most important question you can ask yourself at any given time.
Asking “Am I OK?” is not self-indulgent. It is responsible. Supporting yourself first allows you to show up for others with clarity, openness, and compassion.
Practical self-checks include:
- Notice, stop, and ask: When stress builds, pause: How am I, really?
- Name your need: Do you need rest, support, or to go into action?
- Protect your boundaries: Balance care for others with your own capacity.
- Stabilise before supporting: If you are not okay, care for yourself first. It is responsible, not selfish.
Supporting Others — How to Start
Preparing beforehand helps us feel more confident and makes it safer for the other person to open up:
- Check yourself: Am I in the right headspace to listen calmly?
- Create the setting: Is this private enough, without time pressure?
- Listen, do not try to fix: Use open questions, allow silence, and avoid rushing to solutions.
- Respectful language: Focus on the person, not labels.
- Offer resources without pressure: Encourage people to access support options like workplace counselling, their GP, or free crisis helplines. Always remember to leave the choice up to them.
Approaching the Conversation — The 4 Rs Framework:
- Right moment: Choose a time without rush or distractions.
- Right space: Find a private, comfortable place.
- Respect their pace: They may not be ready yet, keep the door open.
- Readiness to re-engage: Be prepared to follow up; one chat rarely solves everything.
Starting the Conversation
How you open is important. Use observations, not judgments:
- “I’ve noticed you’ve been quieter in meetings lately, how are things going?”
- “Work has been demanding for everyone, how are you finding it?”
- “I get the sense something is on your mind. Do you want to share?”
Keep it person-centred: avoid labels, assumptions, or stereotypes. Focus on what you see and your care for them.
Responding with Care
Conversations can go in different directions. Being ready helps:
If they say they are “fine” but you still sense something:
- “That’s okay, I just wanted to check in. I’m here if you’d like to talk another time.”
- “I understand. If things do get tough, please know I’m open to listening.”
If they share that they are struggling:
- “Is there something I can do to support you right now?
- “Would it help to step out for a break or grab a coffee together?”
If you misstep:
- “I realise that may not have come out the way I intended, I want you to know I’m here to support you.”
If you are worried about safety:
Take it seriously. Encourage professional help immediately and follow workplace protocols. Always watch for signs of crisis. If you suspect suicide or self-harm, respond with care, follow protocols, and encourage immediate support.
Keeping Support Ongoing
Keeping support alive means not letting the first chat be the last. A simple follow-up like “How are things going this week?” shows you meant what you said.
Where possible, offer practical flexibility, small adjustments to deadlines, breaks, or workload can ease pressure. And remember to care for yourself as well: supporting someone can be emotionally taxing, so make use of HR, EAP, or your own support networks when needed.
Remote and Hybrid Work
Checking in virtually takes extra effort. A light message can help:
“Just wanted to see how you’re doing, no need to reply straight away.”
Video or phone may feel more personal than chat. Let them choose what feels comfortable.
Call to Action
Training helps. Programs like Mental Health First Aid give managers and employees the skills and confidence to approach these conversations with care. If you are a leader, consider investing in training for your team, and for yourself.
Never underestimate the power of one skillful conversation, it can change, & even save, a life.
Closing Thought
You do not need perfect words. What matters most is showing up with genuine care and curiosity. By creating space for honest conversations, leaders and team members help build workplaces where people feel safe, valued, and supported, every day, not just on R U OK? Day.
Ask. Listen. Support.
References
- Comcare. (n.d.). Mentally healthy workplaces. https://www.comcare.gov.au/safe-healthy-work/mentally-healthy-workplaces
- O’Leary, K., Schueller, S. M., Wobbrock, J. O., & Pratt, W. (2018). “Suddenly, we got to become therapists for each other”: Designing peer support chats for mental health. In Proceedings of the 2018 CHI Conference on Human Factors in Computing Systems (CHI ’18). Association for Computing Machinery, New York, NY, USA. https://doi.org/10.1145/3173574.3173905
- R U OK? (n.d.). Official website. Retrieved from https://www.ruok.org.au/
- Chen, P. Y., & Cooper, C. L. (2014). Wellbeing: A Complete Reference Guide, Work and Wellbeing (Vol. III). Wiley-Blackwell.
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Olga-Lucía from EQness